Fear of Rejection

We are going to look at what God’s word has to say about a very common fear. The fear of rejection.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but so many us of live with so many fears. Paralyzed by fear. Especially the fear of rejection. This does not come from God. Actually God’s word empowers us to over come the fear of being rejected.

I have to be honest and admit that at times I deal with this very fear. I am a pretty confident guy, and I usually don’t worry about what people think if it someone who I am not very close to. But sometimes it seems that the closer I get to people the more I sometimes worry about what people think.

You see we have to be careful to not become approval addicts. As a young minister I found myself just in that spot. I always wanted to know as soon as I was done. How was it? Did I do a good job? Was I clear, do you think others liked it?

My wife is very good at affirming me, she is honest and if I tanked she told me, but she is great at building me up. I remember a few times Dara not saying anything about the sermon for a long time. Probably just because we got busy or it didn’t come up… and all afternoon I was anxious… was it that bad she wasn’t even going to say anything… then you get to where you are even afraid to ask….

Approval junkies….

This is a very dangerous addiction. And many of you live right here…
Here is what the bible says…

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25

Fear of people, man, others… it is trap or snare, but if you simply trust in God you will be made safe… awesome promise

2 Rejection Traps
1) Overly starved.
The sad thing is though when we are overly starved the very thing we desire most is the very thing we lose. We become so needy, so starved for acceptance that we lose that acceptance.

In old testament we read of a man who could have been the greatest king of all of Israel but his greatest weakness was he was always worry about being accepted. He was over come with the fear of rejection. He always wondered what are the people going to think… are they going to like me. At one point even he rejected what God thought and did his own thing, and did what the people thought… and the prophet Samuel came to him and confronted him.

This is what Saul said in I Sam 15:24‘… I have sinned. I violated the LORD’s command…I was afraid of the people and so I gave in to them.’

How often do you do that? You are afraid of what people think. So instead of doing the right thing, you give in and do what you think they would want you to do?

I know many girls who have expressed that they were saving themselves from sexual impurity until marriage only when they wanted the approval of someone and they trade their virginity for this false acceptance that only leads to more of the same….thinking sex equals love… and that is the furthest thing from intimacy that there is…

If I buy this car will you like me, if I do my hair just this way will you like me, if I go these restaurants, if I compromise my integrity in my business to be a part of this group will you then like me…

I know some people who want approval so bad they make a new relationship with someone or friendship, and they begin to get close to that person and they suck the life right out of them….

They become a human vacuum. Will you like me…. Suuuuck…

You know some one like that? Fear of man will become like a snare… become overly starved..
2 thoughts
Approval addicts have an inability to confront.
We want to be liked so we don’t confront. And until we learn biblical confrontation skills we can never have the intimacy in relationships that God wants..

Approval addicts give in, but are inwardly angry and resentful.
Ok I will do what you want, but on the inside I am getting really ticked, and it causes all kinds of grief.

Overly starved… but the next is the opposite….
2) Overly cautious.
"I have been hurt before, therefore I am never going to let anyone hurt me again… I am not going to trust, because I am dot going to let you do what someone else has already done to me…"

Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble. Proverbs 28:14

How often do we know some one with a hard heart. They hold everyone at arms length…
For some it starts when you have this sneaking suspicion that your parents favor another sibling over you, I don’t want to get hurt….

Others it on the athletic field when you don’t get picked for the team….

Don’t fit in a certain crowd, or they say they are going to be there forever… and you become overly cautious.

When you see great Christ followers who not unlike yourselves have family and friends that are unbelievers, but you are afraid to speak to them about Christ, why… because you are afraid they will reject you… t hat very thing happened in scripture..

A group of people who were Christ followers ran into this same dilemma. They were afraid of being rejected….

But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved praise from men more than praise from God. John 12:42-43

Fear of man is a trap… we become overly cautious or overly starved…

HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF REJECTION
The bible gives us two principles in dealing with rejection…by the help of God we can learn to:
1) Say “yes” to pleasing God.

In first kings there was some things stolen… and the king came to Jehoshaphat and asked what they should do, prodding him to say lets go maybe…

But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel, ‘First seek the counsel of the LORD.’ 1 Kings 22:5

I love, first we seek God, not seek the advisors, or poll the people….

So when you are in a decision process, you don’t ask, what will my friends, or coworkers, or parents think… first ask what will God think…

We seek to please God in all we do…

I love the story of one of my favorite preachers. G Campbell Morgan. As a young man he was going before a credentialing body in 1888. He stood before 3 men … after he and all the men had preached and been interviewed. The there top guys made a decision as to which young preachers actually were called or not…

At the end of the day, Morgan made his way to the posted list. There he looked only to the accepted paper. He scanned down the long list only to find his name not there… he turned and walked away sad.

Some of you know that feeling.. you have worked hard for something… only to be rejected… maybe it is the approval of your parents, or job career promotion…

He sent a telegraph to his father back home with one word across the page… REJECTED…

His father telegraphed back simply and wisely..
“Rejected by men, but accepted by God.”

And that is where I want to fall. I will be rejected by people and so will you. If you intend to follow Christ you will. Isaiah said Christ would be despised and of men. How do you think you can follow Christ and not be rejected by someone…

Our first desire is to please God in all we do. That is why Jesus said this…
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

First we say yes to pleasing God, then obviously we must
2) Say “no” to pleasing people. That doesn’t mean you can be rude…

We just cant be driven to be people pleasers.

I love how Isaiah puts this…Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass, that you forget the LORD your Maker… Isaiah 51:12b-13a

You know what is crazy… we get driven by what people think and we forget God…

Listen to what Paul says… Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

You have a choice every day to either life for yourself and others, or to love for God…

If you take mans route, it is a trap… and it will surely fail, but if you try to please God… then you will be kept safe…

Are you trying to please God or man… yes to please God, no to pleasing man..

That leads us to our goal today….

Goal: LIVE FOR AN AUDIENCE OF ONE.

The one who really cares, not man who is fickle and changes his mind everyday. One day this is cool, or the thing to do. Another day that is right… but live like no one else is watching… you should experience life in such a way that it only matters what God thinks…

Jesus said this in John 5:30…
By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.I seek to please the one who sent me…

How many of you were alive in the glory days of like first or second grade when you got a hall pass…. You were chosen by the teacher to do an errend…
Hall pass, looking in at your friends…. Just waiting for teacher or custodian to ask we you were out in the hall…. I have a Hall pass!

But today we have so much more than a hall pass, we have Gods approval, we have hall pass of all hall passes. His word, grant us access right to Him… we need not worry about rejection, because he was chosen us as we have chosen him…. No matter what you think about me it doesn’t matter, God loves me and his righteousness makes me perfect in his sight, I am on over comer by his blood and my testimony… his word tells me he has plans to prosper me and bless me…

When God says you are free to go, go. When he gives you a task, and speaks to your heart, you do it…. We do not live for the approval of people… we have Gods hall pass…

Fear of men is a trap, but trust in God is safety…

I love these words…
“ Secure in God’s love, I will not surrender my self-worth to the opinions and judgments of others. When I am rejected, I will not retaliate; when I am hurt, I will allow God’s love to heal me. And knowing the pain of rejection, I will seek to love those who suffer from its anguish.” Lloyd Ogilvie

I say yes to pleasing God, not to pleasing others, and live my life with the Goal to worship God as an audience of one…
In that I find freedom from the fear of rejection….